I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
