I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
