as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
