god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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