at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
