they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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