i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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