I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
