I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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