I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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