Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
