If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
