1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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