I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
