Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
