i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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