i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
