Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
