I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Come on in and take your pants off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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