he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
