the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
