Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
