stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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