he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
