We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
