I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
