halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
