Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't deserve a penis
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
