Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
