Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
