My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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