Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
