I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
