I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
