Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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