I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
