you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you're hired as official boob wrangler
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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