: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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