i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard