He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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