Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
