so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
