I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
