I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
