guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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