cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
