it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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