So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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