I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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