Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
