I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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