i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
