my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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