Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
