i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
