Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
