Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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