Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
