We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
