For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
