Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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