i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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