Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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